The Problem With Pure Thoughts
Spoiler alert: The problem is that sometimes they aren't thoughts at all
I gotta be honest. I kind of have a hard time getting along with people who don’t use profanity.
Let me be clear, I understand that there are times when certain language isn’t appropriate and my general approach to life is to try to err on the side of being respectful to whomever I’m with, in matters of language as well as most other things. But when I meet an adult who in a casual, child-free setting, seems genuinely upset by “bad words”? It is unlikely that person is going to want to be my friend.
I have taken some time to examine why this is such a problem for me. To begin with, I’m sure we all had at least one English teacher who told us that a crude vocabulary was the sign of a limited mind or whatever the fuck, but one look at David Simon’s twitter account puts that idea very neatly to shame. And for those of us who enjoy creative swearing, there is always the old Mark Twain quote that the difference between the right word and the almost-right word is like the difference between the lightning and the lightning-bug. This is true, but it only explains why I like swearing, not why I don’t like people who don’t.
So what’s the problem? I really did want a reason, even if only for myself; I hated the idea that I was allowing myself to get so annoyed by something that didn’t matter—because it felt so much like it did! After a great deal of thought, I realized that it did matter, and here’s why:
When a person doesn’t swear—and I don’t just mean not using the words, I mean being a real jerk about shaming people who do swear—the vocabulary thing is not the actual problem; it is only a symptom of their priggishness. The actual cause of what makes these parsimonious nimrods so insufferable goes much deeper, and consists of two parts:* a love of following rules, and a lack of critical thought.
If you ask a person who doesn’t swear why they don’t, they might tell you it’s “vulgar” or “not polite” or pull out the old tight-assed English teacher line, but if you dig a little bit the root is always the same—they don’t use “those words” because they are not allowed. But… not allowed by whom? Even in France, where they do have a sort of Language Police, nobody gives a shit if you say merde. But somewhere in their formative years, something got planted in the minds of these sweet, inoffensive idiots that they decided never to question, which brings us to the second part of the problem.
Lack of critical thought is the way a lot of Americans like to roll, and it has been for a very long time. Maybe even since the founding of our country (which is an event that a lot more people ought to have conflicted feelings about, IMO). For one thing, it tends to be difficult and uncomfortable. It’s not very natural to learn and it’s even harder to teach, and it means asking questions that more often than not lead to uncomfortable answers.
Some examples, which may or may not be based on real-life conversations:
My city just announced that they want to build a new sports stadium right in the middle of town, so we can all go watch big Sports Games and that sounds like fun! But where did they say they were going to put it again? Don’t people live in that part of town right now? Where are they going to go?
What actually is the deal with Bitcoin? My Uber driver told me it’s the currency of the future, but how is that supposed to work exactly?
How can Amazon afford to bring literally almost anything I can think of right to my house, and charge me even less than the store? How do they pay all the manufacturers and warehouse workers and delivery drivers they need to get all this stuff to everybody? Is it even possible for them to be paying all those people enough to live on if I’m only paying them four dollars to bring me a six dollar bottle of ketchup?
Why does Google only show me ads now?
I would describe the questions above as beginner-to-intermediate level, but I feel like I regularly encounter people who have never even realized these questions exist to be asked. When these and even more challenging topics come up in conversation (I can be kind of intense to talk to), I have met people who have a hard time even engaging with them, either because the answers get so convoluted so quickly or because they are simple, but upsetting.**
It is much easier not to think about it. Ketchup is cheap and they’ll bring it to your door. New sports stadiums go somewhere, and who even knows who decides where that ought to be? Profanity is offensive and you shouldn’t put it in your television shows.
Anyway sorry this isn’t about death or grief but, you know. It is about facing difficult truths in a big picture way, and that matters too. Please don’t tell people I said it was okay to swear in front of your grandma or your little nephew… but do consider how you choose to behave in different ways around different groups of people, and what factors go into those choices.
Memento mori, babes. xo
*There is a third component, which is a desire to show how superior they are to other people, but lots of people who like to cuss also have this flaw, so.
**I also know people who do engage with these questions and come up with very different answers from the ones I get, for all kinds of reasons that may or may not involve even deeper critical thought, but going into that would require a lot more than one blog post.